Unhinged Christian
Welcome to Unhinged Christian Podcast, where we dive deep into the stories and perspectives that challenge conventional religious thought. Join me, Caleb Parker, your host and fellow seeker, as we embark on a journey to explore spirituality, faith, and humanity from a refreshingly open-minded perspective.
In each episode, I sit down with guests from diverse backgrounds and walks of life. From artists to activists, scientists to philosophers, we engage in candid conversations that transcend the boundaries of traditional Christian discourse. Together, we unravel the complexities of belief, doubt, and the human experience in the context of modern society.
Whether you identify as a devout believer, a skeptic, or something in between, Unhinged Christian offers a space for exploration and discovery. No topic is off-limits as we challenge assumptions, confront taboos, and embrace the richness of our shared humanity.
Join us as we navigate the intersections of faith, doubt, and everything in between. Tune in to Unhinged Christian and open your mind to a new dimension of spiritual inquiry.
Unhinged Christian
031: The Episode Where We Talk About Marriage, Relationships, And Singleness. With Alec Duzan
As the leaves start to fall so do those in love. But what happens when you're stuck in a bout of singleness. What does a fulfilling life without a spouse look like? We cover both the importance of marriage and being single and how to live out Gods calling for both.
The conversation takes a little turn to the importance of leaving behind social media and over the top phone usage. How does leaving behind your phone create better relationships and bring back a passion for life? Find out when you listen to the full conversation. As always thanks for listening.
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I hope the lighting is good.
Speaker 2:Seems a little dark in here. Okay, I got to loosen this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then if it's really bright in here, the camera is like doesn't? You don't look as good on camera.
Speaker 2:Not you personally, but people. Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1:You personally actually.
Speaker 2:I know I don't have to like loosen or tighten these, right, they just go. These right, they just go no, they just go that's nice wait, I'm just kidding oh snap.
Speaker 1:Same thing as last time. Just you just sit here and wait for the magic to happen.
Speaker 2:I don't know how to start these things, so you're supposed to just hit record and then we just we'll just have a conversation. Then you just hit start. In between, like Joe Rogan, there's no intro, you're just talking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what's going on right now, and you kind of broke the fourth wall.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is recording. People are listening right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, hello everyone, Welcome to.
Speaker 1:I don't say the name just in case I ever have to change it, because there is another podcast with the same name. Oh really, it's some. I think it's some girl that does it nondescript podcast yeah, and so if I ever have to change it, then I can just change how did you come up with the name? It's catchy actually, then do you know who ruslan is? I?
Speaker 2:mean ruslan, isn't? I don't? I feel like there's multiple people with that name ruslan, ruslan, ruslan, how did you say it? Ruslan ruslan is he a rapper? I feel like there's multiple people with that name Ruslan, ruslan, ruslan, how did you say it? Ruslan Ruslan, is he a?
Speaker 1:rapper, yes, but he's also now like a Christian YouTube podcast. What?
Speaker 2:was his name. Did his name used to be Russ? I don't think so, okay.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'm thinking of somebody else, but he is a Christian rapper. Anyway, there was one time where somebody was because he does like reaction videos, to like all sorts of stuff, and he was saying like, oh man, this guy's kind of unhinged and he's like, oh, somebody should come up with that name unhinged christian. And I was like I'll do it. So then I did it and it's catchy.
Speaker 2:I love the confidence. I'll do it. Thanks, did you buy the podcast stuff before after?
Speaker 1:before. Before this was. This was like way after this was during the. I don't know if you ever listened to the first podcast that I had.
Speaker 2:Wow what a friend. How many, how many have you done? I just this the list is growing, I'm scrolled but I have to do stuff. Whenever I do stuff, I have to break it up, because my drive is only a half an hour. You mean, how many episodes do I have on this one On Spotify, yeah. Or I mean everywhere. How many episodes have you done on the show?
Speaker 1:So on the audio side I have 29 episodes Nice and I'm editing the 30th one.
Speaker 2:Very cool.
Speaker 1:And then, this is going to be 31. Very cool, and then on YouTube, because I didn't start with video, I'm on 25. So there's like four just audio episodes and the rest are video.
Speaker 2:You on SoundCloud.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Come on, that's where everybody goes to make it big.
Speaker 1:SoundCloud. Yeah, that's where the small town rappers make it, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And the hoodlumites the hoodlumites, yeah, hoodlumites. A little piano keyboard and a I don't even know Like their AirPod speaker. That's so lame Microphone it is.
Speaker 1:Sad too. Anyway, just a forewarning. Sometimes there's this dog upstairs that barks.
Speaker 2:I did hear you say anything last time and you know, with brandon you're like.
Speaker 1:I apologize for the dog I thought you said you didn't listen to that one.
Speaker 2:You know I think I watched the preview because I was. I was interested because I haven't seen brandon in a long time oh, the preview that it comes up with on spotify's.
Speaker 1:That's perfect that they picked that park. Some people know but yeah, so if it starts and I'm not hearing it, then just tell me and I can like turn the mics down, but we'd have to be like really close to them oh, if that happens, people could get over it.
Speaker 2:I used to be when I did the Access podcast for young adults. It was I was so I can't believe how much work I put into that. Like literally I would. I would take, I would analyze every section of the audio and I would cut out like the little voice blips and the weird breaths and the nasal breathing. And like the little voice blips and the weird breaths and the nasal breathing and like sometimes you're breathing through your nose. He has like this squeak. Like I would cut out all of that and that's why it would take me so long to edit the whole thing, because I'm like trying to cut out all these imperfections and I'm like why did I try so hard? Why didn't I just like slap it in there? That's what I do, that's what you should do, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it says raw, like there's no cuts of anything Unless. Like there was one time with Stefan where it was it's on that episode that's going to be coming out Well, technically that already came out, and like there was buzzing going on. So then we figured out how to stop it, and it took us a little while, so I cut out while we were trying to figure it out. And it took us a little while, so I cut out while we were trying to figure it out, but that's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's yeah. We had a table kind of like this. It was just one of those round like six or eight-person tables, the ones in the chapel.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you had to be careful. I was so paranoid about everything because they weren't super solid. So if you hit them with your fist or something and the mic stands are sitting on the table, everything radiates up. So I'm like, okay, there's a big bang and there was one time, um, I think we let alan record a podcast with some people and I wasn't there at all and so she I think I set everything up and I told her you just gotta hit the red button.
Speaker 2:and then they took like a bathroom break and stopped recording and came back and started again and I like had a panic attack. I'm like, what do I do now? And I'm like, looking back, I was like I should have just slapped the two together. It would have been more organic because people know what's going on. But instead what I did is I tried to, I tried to cut the conversation to where, like the last point of it was like where they were. And then it was like oh, we got to use the bathroom, let's stop and like, okay, now I cut that out and then like kind of cut out the intro to coming back and try to smash these together. And it was just like I tried to make it not sound like they had a break and it was just. It was kind of weird. That is weird.
Speaker 2:I don't know who listened to that podcast or if any of the work I did for that. How long. So how long were the episodes on average? Well, we did. There was like three categories so we had personal testimonies of the people at Access, so it was anywhere from. Some of the shorter ones were like 20, 25 minutes. Some of the longer ones were pushing an hour. So those ones were fun Because I was the only one who was interviewing those, so it was just me. Sometimes Bethany was there because she was entering the first year, but most of the time it was just me. And then we had Bible in context, so Jake would prepare a lot of contextual evidence for the text and then he would present it with the verses, so those ones could be like an hour and a half.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we try to do two in one day. And then what was the other one? Um, I think it was I don't even remember something related to like more hot cultural topics of today, which those could be anything.
Speaker 2:They're usually about 45 minutes plus yeah, that'd still be a long time to edit all the it literally was so and you know, we just had this little tiny recorder that would sit in the middle and there was like frequency problems with the cord, so you hear like random buzz if, like, somebody put their phone on the table and it's just like I try to cut all that stuff out and I should have been man who cares. And then I'm not salty about this. I'm very happy that their platform is taking off. But as soon as, like when I left and um, when jared started really taking over the podcast because he's the pastor now, like av was like yeah, we'll do it all for you. They had a whole, well, they build a podcast station, yeah, kind of upper balcony, and so stuff is just set up, all well they build a podcast station.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I saw that Kind of on the upper balcony, and so stuff is just set up all the time. They have a nice area, you know backdrop and lighting, and then the AV team just like slaps it all together and they post it. And I'm like man, there was like three to five hours of every Tuesday for a year and a half.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it takes forever to edit. I can't even imagine doing excuse me, I can't even imagine doing all the little sniffles and stuff. I would not, especially when mine are sometimes two hours. No way it is a lot.
Speaker 2:It really depends on how you're listening to, because it's different in headphones to the car to like a Bluetooth speaker, Like most of that stuff. Now that I think about it, nobody's ever really going to pick up on, but because I'm listening to it with the raw file and hearing everything, it's like ugh, it was a good time. It was a good learning experience. I don't know if I could do it again today, so I don't know if I remember anything, but yeah, did you, for, did you?
Speaker 1:so you had video though, right?
Speaker 2:no, I had no video oh, okay it was now, so now they have audio and video for yeah, I know, we just slapped.
Speaker 1:I thought the podcast here it's cool, they made it, but it looks like an interrogation room oh, I haven't even really watched it because I haven't used on camera.
Speaker 2:It's just like a blank room I don't know some of the ones I thought I thought it was good, but I also haven't had social media in like two years, so I have no idea what it looks like now, dude you got to get on social media no, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a joke I'm not on it either. I only use it to post and then I delete the app. So I'll like post my podcast like a up and coming clip or like the short or the real for it, and then just do it all from your computer I could sign into facebook or whatever.
Speaker 2:Um do you upload to use anchor? Just drop it on there and it sends it everywhere for you.
Speaker 1:Oh, I should look into that, huh.
Speaker 2:You should. It was one of the things that I was looking into when we did it, because it's free, I think, and there are a lot of people who literally just have their phones, they talk into it, drop it and it sends it to all the platforms. Dude, my allergies are killing me. I have so much phlegm, it's ridiculous. I was sneezing in my cubicle all day and I don't have an office like everybody else, so I was just like really self-conscious, just sitting there blowing my nose and I was sick like two weeks ago. And judy the receptionist, she's like alec, you don't sound very healthy. Thank you, judy. Thank you so fall allergies.
Speaker 1:What is that? Like ragweed, it's more just like dust, a really big problem with dust well, I'm surprised you ain't sneezing in here, because I never dust this place what bachelor does how long? Have you lived here, nice uh uh, about a year, november will be a year.
Speaker 2:Gotcha. So this is year old dust over here. Yeah, 12 year, 12 month resident. I like this shit picture.
Speaker 1:Isn't it cool Painting.
Speaker 2:All right, it's in a picture frame. Get off my back.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I was going to say a nice segue into what we're talking about with the whole bachelor word. Oh, yes, oh, you weren't trying to do that. No, not at all. Oh, dude, I thought you were like, I thought you were with it.
Speaker 2:I'm just naturally that smooth yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so obviously I'm 30, single and you're 25.
Speaker 2:Dude come on 26?. There you go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm 26. You?
Speaker 2:25. Dude, come on 26. There you go, yeah, I'm 26. You weren't that long 26.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was a year off. It's usually closest to the age without getting any higher as the winner, so I was a year off.
Speaker 2:You were the only one playing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but if somebody else was playing they would have to either say 25 and a half, or something else.
Speaker 2:That's true, and I would have won. The rules of that cultural game were lost on me, but thank you for explaining them.
Speaker 1:You're welcome. Anyway, you're 26 and married. I'm 30 and single. How does that happen?
Speaker 2:Dude, I don't know anybody single over 30. How did you do it? Can't even finish that one with a straight face.
Speaker 1:Really that's mean it was a joke.
Speaker 2:It really hurts Really, that's mean it was a joke.
Speaker 1:It really hurts. Yes, I know, it was a joke.
Speaker 2:It's very common and there's no pressure for anybody who's over 30 and single.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought it wasn't very common in the Christian community. I thought a lot of people were getting married younger.
Speaker 2:It's both ends of the spectrum, right, because you can look and you can find a bunch of people who are 18 and crazy in love and they're getting married and they got two kids by 20, you know. And then you can go to the other end of the spectrum where you're, you know, pushing 32, 35 and you're still hanging around the young adult group.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna name any names, but yeah, we won't name any names, but I know.
Speaker 2:If the shoe fits, you got to wear it. I'm just saying you don't exactly fit, Not you, but the people who fit the shoe. They don't exactly fit the young adult stereotype anymore, the ministry, but anyway.
Speaker 1:Are you saying because they're single or because they're not single?
Speaker 2:No, because they're over 30. It's just like the young adults Like once you right. Hopefully, the natural progression of being involved in a church community is like you get involved wherever, from the day your parents bring you to church, like kindergarten, or you know you show up one day and you're in high school. Or you know you're like just new to the faith and you show up and you're like 32, but you've never been to church before.
Speaker 1:And young adults- is like yeah, there's a little bit of nuance. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's where. That's where it's like you got to have grace for people because you want them to feel welcome, and you also got to protect the flock.
Speaker 1:Yes, out of the age range, yes, yes. And then after a while, you you know there's got to be some tough lows, like you're 35, but I can think of numerous people who fit that those details and have been saved for quite a while now.
Speaker 2:And why don't they like what's the protocol? That's topic for a different day, because I think it's different with every church. I don't think no church that I've been to has figured it out, which has not been that many churches, so I'm really not an expert.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it would be kind of hard to be like hey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it just takes powerful people, conversations or, in the world's terms, just got to be an adult about it, like hey, let's be real, like these are soft limits, but you're really getting outside of that age range. But anyway, that's not what we want to talk about for today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well it still has to do with singleness and relation. But yeah anyway, marriage and singleness. So my question would be, to start it off, is how did you know when you were ready to be married? No, a better question how did you know when you were ready to be in a relationship while you were single?
Speaker 2:Well, how would I know that I was ready? Um, I suppose I should take it back to, at least for my experience, like I've always wanted to be, I've always wanted to be a dad. So I kind of equated that with I guess you could say right, that's obviously a progression, would be, you know, you get in a relationship, you get married, you become a parent yeah, hopefully.
Speaker 2:Right In a non-sinful way, which anyway. So like I've always wanted to be a dad, I've always wanted to be a husband, anyway. So like I've always wanted to be a dad, I've always wanted to be a husband, and so like, for me, I always kind of knew like that was one of my goals how I knew I was ready. I don't say I ever, I don't think I ever really knew that I was ready. I think I just came to a place where I wanted it so bad and you know, as everybody who desires to be in a relationship does, you know, they get to a point where it's like God, I've been single forever. You know what's the problem, what's happening. Is it me, is it you? What's the plan?
Speaker 2:You know what's going on For me in 20, I think it was 2018. I don't think you were on the access team yet I haven't told this story to a lot of people so you might not know, but it was. We went to I think it was Traverse City and it was. I know Andy was there. Nathaniel, like Chansky, I think it was 2017 or 2018 because I was still working my job at the boat repair shop yeah, because I always hear stories about that trip, but I think it was like one of the only ones that she ever yeah, that tiffany ever did do.
Speaker 2:It was amazing, but we were there for like a day and a half.
Speaker 2:I think we spent one night there and we did a spent one night there and we did a monastic fast, which is where you don't say any words for 12 hours. I mean you can do it for whatever amount of time, but for us it was 12 hours, so it started at midnight. We didn't have any conversation in the morning. I remember that, nathaniel because you don't eat any food either he made a cup of coffee and then he realized that he couldn't have coffee. He was so sad he had to pour it down the drain. But it was either the night before or the night of. I was, we were all together, we were like, praying, worshiping, and Tiffany asked us if we wanted to like share anything that God revealed to us. And shortly before that, it was me and Laurenuren, um to bore, previously lauren to grah. We were.
Speaker 2:We were sitting on opposite ends of this couch and, um, I was sitting there, I had my eyes closed and I was on. I was on the the right side of the couch and I felt somebody, um, like little, scooching next to me. I had my eyes closed but I could feel somebody's leg against my leg, like you're crammed into, like church pews. I felt somebody like put their arm under my arm and then put their head on my shoulder. There's no other way that I can describe it. It just felt like somebody came up and snuggled next to me and I opened my eyes and there was nobody there. I literally thought Lauren came and snuggled next to me and I opened my eyes and there was nobody there. I thought Lauren came. I literally thought.
Speaker 2:Lauren came and snuggled on me and I was like Lord, what is going on? And he was like how do I say this? I'm trying to remember exactly what he said. It was like that's your wife. And I was like what? Like that's your wife? And I was like what? And he was like she's on her way, but she's also waiting for you, and I was like what in the world? And I'm just like I got chills, shivers, like I'm kind of going crazy. Tiffany's, like anybody want to share. I'm like nope, this is not for y'all, like this is just for me. And so that was really exciting, but that was 2018. I didn't get married until 2022.
Speaker 1:As we know, yeah, as we know, I was there.
Speaker 2:You were, you were, you really were. So I mean, that was four years that I waited, that I had a word that I knew somebody was like coming, but I also knew that I had work to do, that I had a word that I knew somebody was coming, but I also knew that I had work to do, that I had preparations to make, and so for me it really wasn't knowing that I was ready, it was more knowing that I was. At that time I knew what I was supposed to be doing versus who I was looking for. I was going to Axis, I was interning, I was looking for, like I was, I was going to access, I was interning. You know I was, I was working out and you know all those things have a factor to do. But it was a lot more personal growth, like Jake had me go to quest, which is a men's event where you basically do it's a lot of inner healing. You know, spiritual type.
Speaker 2:Spiritual type stuff where you know you, just if you have really deep wounds, you know, they kind of just go digging for them and help you find healing, for stuff that it's more for, like married men whose kind of lives are falling apart. But it was really impactful for me. So I was just really solid, like I had become really solid in my faith, confident in who I was as a person, in my identity in Christ, and I was no longer fixated on finding a person and I was more just fixated on pursuing after what God wanted me to go after in that season. And I feel like in this culture we hear that a lot, but it's my personal experience. So you know, as far as what I did, it wasn't anything in in trying to like it wasn't this category of things.
Speaker 2:I was checking off a list and I'm like, okay, I have to be a better boyfriend. Like I gotta my my body's gotta be in tip-top shape. You know, I gotta look the best that I can. I gotta, you know, try to make the most money right now that I can, because I was interning. I wasn't making anything. I'm very blessed to be paid for that at all. It was more just like okay, god, am I confident in my identity in Christ as a son of God?
Speaker 2:you know, as an heir and am I ready for what the Lord has next for me, whether it's a spouse or not. So that was kind of my journey. I mean mean I had gone through so a lot of, a lot of healing, a lot of growth. Um, my, my, my now wife beth. We interned together and we were not interested in each other at all, like I was. I mean, physicality does come down to it or it doesn't, it's not what it's all about, but it does have a part to play, right. So I was, I think, probably pushing 250 pounds, like I wasn't, you know, I mean, in the world I always thought you were really hot I still think you're hot.
Speaker 2:Thanks, you're welcome, but I'm taken. So oh so, but I mean it.
Speaker 2:I did, you know, like lose 50 pounds and that helped, you know I was just getting my life together, um, and I think that's when beth started, that that's when beth started to notice, is when I started to kind of grow up a little bit. Yeah, you know, have like a big thing. A big thing that women are attracted to is just men who are driven, men who have goals, not necessarily people who have accomplished things right. There is a level of a shallower person who is interested in somebody who has money already.
Speaker 1:But you know, I think there's more to well, yeah, that's where, like, the guitar player comes in, right like, the girl always gets the guitar player quote-unquote, just because, even if they don't have money, it's just like somebody who's doing, a man who's doing something, yeah.
Speaker 2:Basically Somebody who's passionate about something, who has a work ethic.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Even though it may not be bringing in, you know, hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars. You know having a drive is attractive, you know having a mission is attractive and so for me I think that was it. Having having a mission is attractive and so like that, for me that was, I think that was it. Like I had a mission, I knew what I was working towards. And that's kind of when the Lord kind of opened my eyes because Beth had we were really good friends, I think.
Speaker 2:The fact that we were not interested in each other and we had so much alone time together because we were probably together two to three days a week, like multiple hours a day we just got to know each other really well and she she did not take a second year internship, I did and then she came back actually on staff as the um, like the office admin or the the young adult admin.
Speaker 2:So we kind of started to see each other again a lot more and I was really excited to have her back. And then there was one day at Access, I remember I was like wow, she's really attractive. And then that just kind of started this journey of me being interested in her and she was actually interested in somebody else, but just pursuing her and again playing that long game, it's like, okay, god, I really like this person, but I'm focused on you. And if it doesn't take away from also what I'm trying to do with god because I think that's another big thing right is when, when you have that drive and another person has a drive, and you're both working for something towards the lord and it's in a similar capacity or in or. It doesn't have to be similar capacities, but in ways that will complement you right because differences complement, right.
Speaker 2:That's what makes us better is when we have differences. And so you know, however god orchestrates us, he brings, he brings us together and, and it was really cool, it was not easy. You know, we started dating. I think we dated for like a week. Then she broke up with me because she was scared, which I confronted her on, and then we dated for like six months and then we got married, which it's been amazing. We're going on two and a half years now It'll be three years in February, so and two kids.
Speaker 1:That's a lot, two kids. How long did it take between the week and like after you were broken up with?
Speaker 2:I think it was like a month or so, like three weeks to a month, three to five weeks, because you were there, we were hanging out at y'all's house and I didn't want to like not be around her still, because I was trying to win her back, you know. So I was still inviting her to things and even though I was like deeply hurt, I wasn't putting anything. I didn't have any like ill will against her, because I'm like in my mind like this is the girl that I'm really infatuated with. You know, I wouldn't say in love necessarily but I was just yeah, I was just really.
Speaker 2:I was really into her, you know, and I didn't want to throw that away because we had such a great. That's the thing it's like. If you go the route, uh, or not even if I say if you go the route, if you are friends with somebody and you find there's an equal attraction from both parties, and then you get together and it doesn't work out, you kind of have to either you try to work at it and make it work out, or you have to totally just break it off, like in my opinion.
Speaker 1:I am not being friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you can't Like. If like there's no in between, it's like you can't like.
Speaker 1:if like there's no in between, it's like you get back together and it works out, or so then, what's your excuse? Was yours like you're hoping to get her?
Speaker 2:back. I was trying to get her back, yeah and then what if it wouldn't have worked? Out. I would have had to let her go and move on like there's no point in in you know groveling, and just I mean you. You mourn right, because there's real attraction, there's real connection and you lost something.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then you have to move on. You know you can't just.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but a month is a long time trying to get somebody back. I would say one time I'd be like this is what I want, and if you change your mind, then call me Well it's also more nuanced, because I I knew that she was just scared to be in a relationship.
Speaker 2:She was just scared of the commitment so sometimes girls lie yeah, sometimes they do. But I was right about this one because she admitted it.
Speaker 1:She was like, yeah, you're right yeah, clearly, because you are married now we are. Yes, you, you are, you were right.
Speaker 2:But it's not always the case. I mean, like, what I'm trying to say is like if you break up and there's a mutual consent to get back together to try and work on it, great, go for it. But if both parties are not interested in doing that. You know, maybe one side is At some point you got to cut your losses because you can't, you just can't live that way. I mean you get is at some point you got to cut your losses because you can't, you just can't live that way.
Speaker 1:I mean you get it yes, and please do not try to be her friend to eventually win her back, because you're gonna more than likely be her friend and then she's gonna start dating somebody else and then you're gonna be hurt all over again because yeah, because you thought something was gonna happen.
Speaker 2:No, you can't go back into that. If you can be that person that can separate that friendship, be like hey, we're going to keep this relationship in a box over here called friendship, and I'm not going to have anything to do with romantic. If you can keep your mind split that way, go for it. But I'm not going to recommend it because I can't.
Speaker 1:I don't think guys can usually be just friends with girls. It just normally doesn't work out that way. Yeah, girls for some reason can be friends with dudes. It doesn't really matter. But I just don't notice that most friend groups it's one girl and like guys that's been our experience.
Speaker 2:I mean, like you see it on tv, right, where there's a bunch of, there's a big group of friends, like literally the show friends or you know whatever. How I met your mother new girl. I guess new girl's a bad example because that's a bunch of guys and one girl, but I just don't think it's a model well right, because I do think there's an aspect of like we need brothers and sisters in christ and you know, segregating us by gender I don't think is. You know, segregating us by gender I don't think is beneficial, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, there's obviously. I don't mean like you can never speak to a girl Like I speak to. If I go over to Eli's, I'm going to speak to his wife and I'm like friendly towards her. But I'm talking more like when you're one-on-one with a girl, like sometimes she can think of that as just friends.
Speaker 1:Whereas I think I do think that girls have a greater capacity to do that hang out one-on-one with a guy and not catch feelings than guys have that capacity, yeah, like for the most part and obviously there's always exceptions and different stories but if a guy is going to hang out with a girl alone, he's excited, he's like this is gonna be definitely is.
Speaker 2:There's no exception to that, unless you're gay. Yeah, unless you are gay, that's true, but you can be gay, you can do. You Just love Jesus and know that he's your Lord and Savior.
Speaker 1:Well, you can't be gay and love, I mean you can be. If you're not pursuing that, I would yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:I would rather be gay and love jesus and be gay and not love jesus. So but like to do, when I say love jesus, I say to the point of following him as lord and savior and sacrificing your will and not living out your fleshly desires. Let me add that caveat, because that can get really tricky and sticky yeah, and I'm not about to.
Speaker 2:Most people would hear what you say and then be like, oh, yeah, don't take, it's got another progressive on the podcast might as well call me flow, because progress, yeah, exactly no, no, I'm saying like I think there are people who struggle with all kinds of different sins, whether it's, you know, sexually, or you know, drug addiction, alcohol buying, stealing, like it's all right. But if you're going to practice that and call Lord Jesus your Lord and Savior, then something's going to change, because either you're not really a Christian or you're just trying to hop the fence and it's not going to work out for you in the end.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't be lukewarm.
Speaker 2:But anyway back on topic. Yes, oh man.
Speaker 1:Where were we? You were talking about the month.
Speaker 2:Um, that's kind of where we were yeah, I mean, it took, it took, um, I think it was three weeks. I think it was three weeks, uh, because I I just knew I was like I'm not letting this girl go that easy, you know like I wrote her a letter and, um, I was like, hey, I just think you're afraid, you're scared, you know, like you don't have to run from anything, like I'm here for you.
Speaker 2:And she was pissed. She was pissed because I was right. She didn't want to admit that, though, and then she came back, I think a couple you know. She told me she was in, she's praying and, you know, kind of working out with God. She's like like, yeah, you're right, you know I'm scared, and, um, she kind of worked through that, and then she ended up asking me out for another date, because we actually went on one date. Um, let's see, a month before we we dated for that stint of seven or eight days, we went on one date, and she's like, no, I'm good. And then, um, I think, what was it did she? She asked me out yep, that's what it was. She asked me if I want to go on another date, and then it was basically like official the next day, and then we dated for like a week, and then she broke up with me. So, and then we took that month and try to figure things out. We, we really tried to cut all communication with each other, clearly not no, I mean like for that time because, um, during, like after the week, so after the week of dating, she broke up with me. I had a lot of questions. It was really her. I wrote her the letter. She was pissed. She came back. She was like you're right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:And we were kind of like hanging out throughout all of this, still with our friend group, and I think it was I think it was Kaylin, who called us out. She's like what are you guys doing? Are you dating? Are you not dating? And so we mutually came to an agreement that we were not going to have any communication with each other, like we're not going to text each other, we're not going to hang out together. You know we'll both go to access, but we're not going to have any conversation. You know, like we'll might say hi. And that was really hard. That was really hard Cause I just really wanted to talk to her and it was in that time that she realized that you realized that you know when we're not, when we're not talking at all.
Speaker 2:She texted me. She's like I really miss talking to you. And I was like well, this is a good sign. And I was like I miss talking to you too, but I still didn't. You know. It was like one more text message after that. I was like, hey, we still, we still can't talk. Um, I think I said something like that. And then it was I think it's like 22 days, and then it was it was at access. She asked if, um, it was actually I remember the day she was like can we get back together? It was June 17. Cause I was leaving for a wedding, so that we actually started dating that Thursday night. And then Friday morning I left to go to North Dakota for one of my cousin's weddings, which she was originally supposed to go, but then she broke up with me so those plans went out the window. But yeah, so that was interesting. So we texted a crap ton over the two days, I think, that I was gone and then we just and then it was smooth sailing from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yep, it was smooth sailing from there for the most part.
Speaker 1:That's crazy, because I remember you took a picture with each other at fisherman's island and the next time I saw you it's a campground way up north. We went there, you, andy, and I one time did we really on a sunday we went to go see torch lake, yeah yeah, and then we went to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I took her to torch lake, yep, and then we went okay in that picture and the next time I saw you you were like yeah, we're broke, we're done, yeah the most embarrassing part is that we made it facebook official and then, like three days later, had to take it, because it was like so if we dated for a week, I think, like three or four days in, we made it official on facebook and then I think that's what really scared her, because then also, you know, you get like 200 likes on your Facebook posts and everybody's like, oh my gosh, congratulations, and then you have to take it down. It's like oh, that is heartbreaking.
Speaker 1:That would be. That would be more embarrassing for me than heartbreaking.
Speaker 2:At least in the beginning. It was really embarrassing.
Speaker 1:The heartbreak would come later, for sure, but the embarrassment the first day would be like I would go hide.
Speaker 2:Cause this was also around the time of, like you know, my sister is graduating high school, so we have, you know, graduation parties and I'm seeing a lot of old people from the high school that I went to, and so some people are like I got a lot of, oh, you got a girlfriend. Actually we broke up and then we got back together and I was like, oh, I heard you guys broke up, actually we're back together. So I had multiple conversations on both sides. That would be hard. Yeah, it was funny, definitely a little whiplash, but it all worked out in the end. If marriage is the end goal?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it should be. Well, not necessarily. I mean, if you don't want to get married, there's no pressure, as much as church people might put on you.
Speaker 1:Well, I think if you're dating, it shouldn't just be dating for fun. That's true. You're just like going around from person to person just for like funsies I think it's true like I don't think. Yeah, I think we do like to put a lot of pressure on like you have to get married, but I just don't think you should be like playing with people's hearts. That's all.
Speaker 2:That's all I'm saying and I mean, in a sense, it's like you can't eliminate that aspect of it. You know, completely right, you, you, you date, you get to know somebody and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out obviously, you know, depending on how much of a connection you've established yeah like there's going to be heartbreak and you're going to have to mourn and grieve and get over it, whether it's like a month or it's a, it's a year.
Speaker 2:There was a girl that I didn't even really date previously. Um, we were both interested in each other and she went off to college and then, you know, I was kind of like holding out oh, I like her. She said, she likes me. This is crazy, you know. And then she starts dating somebody else at college and I'm just like, oh, that is that's right, ice cold, that's ice cold, you know. And again, like I don't, I don't talk to her anymore. Like I think I'm at the point now where I don't have any hard feelings, but it took me a long time to get there. Like it took me two years to really be over her, and then it took me a probably another year to be at the point where it was like okay, I can have a conversation with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if it just like happens, she's in the same room. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was. You know, it wasn't easy. Like she came back right and some people might know who I'm talking about. She might hear this one day and listen, which is okay, um and I feel bad I was gonna say we're not gonna say names. No, I mean, we can.
Speaker 2:It probably doesn't matter but yeah, that's true if the forgiveness is there yeah, and I feel bad because because I kind of went back and forth, right, because I was still healing, there's like at some point it's like, okay, I still do kind of want to talk to her, and at some points it's like, okay, I do not anything to do with her, like I'm going to give her the cold shoulder, like I just can't like it's way too painful. And, um, there was one time it was recently she came back and I was I didn't know anybody else around and I was able to have a conversation with her and, just, you know, kind of ask her what's going on in her life and oh, so it did happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh okay what did?
Speaker 2:what happened?
Speaker 2:like us talking yes, you're talking yeah, like just being like, just having a normal person conversation, nothing, nothing crazy, like why did you pick up with me, you know, like early? It wasn't even that because we weren't even dating, it was just, you know, like a crush, but it was still real, you know, and I don't think we can devalue that with people, because I think there's a lot of that, especially in church, because everything has to be so like, I don't know, babied almost. It seems like, you know, there's just so many eyes watching and so we have to be super.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm trying to say like no yeah, I know you're trying to say, I just don't think that's the way it should be yeah, no, not at all, but it just is it just is yeah it just is in church culture, which is like the pressure that church puts on people to get married, is is, oh my goodness, ridiculous. I know, I know that all too well.
Speaker 2:Especially here.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't know if it's different in other places, but it might be a little different because we are in a major Bible Belt in.
Speaker 2:West Michigan, but I mean the church all over. I think is pretty safe to generalize that People have elevated marriage above singleness, I think to an unhealthy point.
Speaker 1:Yes To a very dangerous point.
Speaker 2:I would say To the point that people who are not married or you know, just can't seem to make a relationship work or find somebody that's willing to stick it out with them. It's just like they just feel so awful. That's like why? Like? Why God, like my whole community, is telling me I need to get married, like everybody else is getting married, like what? What's wrong with me? What's happening? I don't know. It's just too much pressure and it's dumb, because I don't think that I don't think that everybody's called to get married. I don't think everybody has to get married and I don't think there's anything wrong with being single until the day that you die. That doesn't mean that you can't have valuable community and enriching community. That makes you feel fulfilled.
Speaker 1:Paul even says that he wishes more were like him to be able to do the works of God, because when you are married, you do have to. You have other things to tend to. You have to tend to your kids and your wife, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's actually like God is in that too.
Speaker 2:The Bible advocates for both sides.
Speaker 1:Yes, equally, I would say, Because they're both. What's the word? I can't think of it.
Speaker 2:Vocations. Whatever you're looking for, Sacred.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they both feed into the kingdom is the best way I can say. It Vocations Whatever you're looking for, sacred. Yeah, they're both feed into the kingdom. That's the best way I can say it.
Speaker 2:They both have a place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because when you're raising kids, obviously you're raising them to be Christian and the more kids that are Christian in society, the society grows and it's just self-explanatory. But then when you're married it's also harder to go around. Would it be harder for you to do podcasting? It's very hard. Yeah, I mean even just one episode tonight. But I'm saying it'd be even harder for you to.
Speaker 2:Oh, like if I were to do a podcast of my own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and have people over.
Speaker 2:So are you talking about while being married or while having kids? Both, because having kids adds another layer to it that I would say and I don't want to, I don't want to step on anybody's toes, but if you're married and you don't have any kids, it's basically like you're still single, like you have a responsibility to your spouse I can't wait for everyone who's married to hear that I mean there there's just a huge step between having kids and not having kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I didn't learn that until I had kids, and nobody who doesn't have kids right now is probably going to understand what I'm saying to the to the fullest amount. Like you have nieces and nephews and like but, and other people who do too, or like babysit or but it's's just like there's so much responsibility and so much that you have to sacrifice, like like hanging out tonight, like after this, like I'm not going to go because I have two kids at home that I haven't seen all day and her wife, who has been parenting both of them by herself.
Speaker 2:You know, that she is making a huge sacrifice so that I can be here right now, which, if we didn't have kids like she'd probably be here. She'd be out with other, like friends, or she'd just be doing whatever she wants to do, because her time is her own.
Speaker 2:But, that's not the case. When you have kids, your time is theirs, right, and you know. Kind of going back to what the Bible says, like when you're married, you know the man is, he's concerned with other matters right, he's the matters of his household, his wife and his kids, and when you're not, you just don't have that. But I don't think that that diminishes the value of being single at all. I think it actually. I think it actually opens a door for single people to come alongside married people and support them and vice versa, because it's not just, oh, you're married, we got to support the married people. It's like there's so much blessing that in community we're supposed to give back and forth, right, yeah, it's a huge topic and I want to keep it more on marriage. Huge topic and I want to, I want to keep it more on marriage.
Speaker 2:But having kids adds a whole another layer that you, your time is not your own. You know to so much more of an extent than if you're just, than if you're not just married. If you're married, if you and your wife don't have any kids, you guys still have all your free time. You can do a podcast, you can go to the gym, you can do your Bible, you can sleep in, you can go grocery shopping. You can not be yelled at while you're going to the bathroom. You know, it's just different. But I don't think that we put enough emphasis on the calling that singleness has, the role that singleness plays in the church, because I think, just like Paul says he's like, I would rather that you be, single so that you can keep your mind focused on the kingdom's purpose.
Speaker 2:Not that marriage takes away from the kingdom's purpose, because, like we said, the Bible advocates for both. God put Eve in the garden, but there's also a point where, like you said, the man and the woman they have their. The husband has responsibilities to his wife, the wife has her responsibilities to the husband and they're trying to make their household. But, yeah, I think that we need single people to be empowered in their singleness and I think we need people to to now not like toxic singleness, like there's so many aspects where people are what's an example of like being single and toxic, I think being single, but be like god's got somebody for me, or like god's like god, I'm just in my waiting season.
Speaker 2:Or like you can't. Or like trying to be celibate for a year to force god's like god, I'm just in my waiting season. Or like you can't. Or like trying to be celibate for a year to force god's hand to like bring you somebody. Like that's manipulation, you're not going to manipulate god. But says you hey, you could try wait, they.
Speaker 1:They're being celibate for one year.
Speaker 2:what do do you? Well, yeah, like a vow. I think it's like a vow of celibacy or something Like people like they are going to abstain from even attempting to begin a relationship for however long they want to do it. A month.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's kind of. I would not Well I think it can be healthy.
Speaker 2:But if you have the expectation that you know God's going to bring you somebody day one of your celibacy being ended. Then you know what are your thoughts, Because I have so many things that I could say, but I don't want to just have the married man's experience. I want to have your experience as well, my thoughts on what, On singleness and how it's approached by the church and how people are treated who first, maybe are single and don't want to be married, or maybe are single and do want to be married.
Speaker 1:I would say and I'm just going to go with my experience because it's weird there's a part of me that wants to be married, but a lot of it just has to do with I have a sex drive, if I'm being honest, and so I know that's not the only reason to be married. I understand that, and it's not like that's all I would ever want to do if we were married, but I'm okay with being alone.
Speaker 2:But then there's also that drive, so it's like Right, which may never cease to be a struggle until the day you meet Jesus Correct and some people. That's just the reality. God is not going to take away your testosterone and your sex drive. I think that's the beauty of living in submission and having a Lord and a Savior.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because we don't emphasize the Lord enough. I try to put put it in context. Right, because I've watched game of thrones, like judge me or don't judge me, but you know, watch whatever show. That's a sinful show, but go on like whatever movie you can relate like a lord, like lords of the the realm, or, you know, like it's a position of authority. You know it's not just a cushy youy fire protection savior, I'm not going to hell anymore.
Speaker 1:Thank you, Jesus. Yeah, I don't actually believe in fire insurance, but that's a topic for a different day. Continue.
Speaker 2:People who I kind of lost where I was going, right Jesus is Lord, the emphasis on Lord. Yeah, Jesus is Lord and Savior. Totally lost my train of thought. What was I talking about before that?
Speaker 1:Game of Thrones, lord of the Realms, oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:So as far as like Jesus being Lord, um, we just don't, we don't. I don't think we contextualize that enough. I don't think we really understand what it means to have a Lord. Going back to the sex drive thing If you're laying down your will like you have a sex drive. It's overtaking you. You got to go masturbate or something, because it's a thing. People sin every day and they don't have an outlet. They go masturbate or whatever. But that's where Are you saying it's okay, whatever, but that's where are you saying it's okay?
Speaker 2:no, that's what I'm saying is like if, like you said, I said it may be a struggle for you until you go meet jesus. So that's part of living in submission to the lord of your life, jesus christ right it's because you don't.
Speaker 2:That's having being your own outlet is not sustainable. Right, jesus has to be your foundation. You're a conduit for Jesus. And sexually singing because I think I don't remember where it is in the Bible, but it talks about sexual sin is one of the worst kinds of sin, because it's a sin against your own body as well sin because it's a sin against your own body as well. So I think that's one part we really need to focus on is if you are single, right, and obviously, if sex drive is real, maybe yours is low, maybe yours is high, but you have to, even in marriage, like you have to to some extent put that into submission. Right, the bible does say right, don't withhold yourselves from each other. But it also does doesn't mean that I'm gonna go because you can rape your wife if you're married. Like, just because you're married doesn't mean rape isn't a thing.
Speaker 1:You know, yeah, she still has, yeah, she still have to consent. Right, it's, it's self-control.
Speaker 2:It's, you know, living in submission. Because that, because that's what a lot of marriage and what right marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ, like it talks about Jesus being the bridegroom. The church is his bride, and it's sacrifice. It's the husband's laying down his life for his wife, right, and it's submission both ways, it's sacrifice both ways. And so, whether you're single or married, you're still submitted to Jesus.
Speaker 2:So that's really the point that I'm trying to drive home is that you have a Lord and whether you know you have a high sex drive or a low sex drive, you know you have to keep that in submission to God and figure out how you're going to use that sexual energy, and I don't even want to say for the kingdom, but how you can. I don't want to say release for the sake of a bad pun, but how you can let go of that, because you can't let that control you, like Jesus has to be in control of your life. So if that's a big issue in singleness, right, that's one thing that I think if you're going to move towards being in a relationship and being married, you have to have that submitted to God, because you do not, you do not want to take a you know porn addiction mixed with masturbation into a marriage, because that's going to cause a way more problems than you ever knew you were going to deal with yeah, you still want to have self-control, right For sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's also you know. From another perspective, it's like self-control is attractive to women, not saying that's like the only reason why you should practice it, but it's not like it's a fruit of the spirit you need to be in in connection with holy spirit. Have some self-control yes, but I'm just saying it's like that's just one of the added bonuses of having it, for you know I think all the fruits of the spirit are attractive that's true, yeah, but we were just specifically talking about right of control, so that's the one.
Speaker 2:But if we're, if we're going to talk about preparing for relationship like, that's a great place to start right, we we always talk about it is, what can I? Do to. What can I do to be the best spouse that I could be in the future? You know, because I'm single right now. It's like read your bible, get a good dose of the Holy Spirit and let the fruit of your life be evident and let your actions speak for themselves. Let love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control be evident.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have it up there.
Speaker 2:Like if those things are on display in your life and maybe you can't find a spouse, maybe you are called to be single for the rest of your life. I'm not saying that that's the golden rule, but if all those things are on display and the Holy Spirit is working in you and he's speaking to you, if the gifts of the Spirit are evident, like we're going to judge a book by its cover, like we're going to judge a tree by its fruit, then we're going to know who you are based on the things that we see in your life.
Speaker 2:And as far as bringing a spouse into that equation or a relationship, those are the things people are going to see. Now. Some people are shallow. Some people just want the washboard, abs and the six-figure salary and the nice car, but those relationships they don't last, because when he loses any of those things, it's like he loses her.
Speaker 2:Because it comes down to identity and who you are. And when you're solid in your identity and you are spending time with Jesus and you're being transformed by the renewing of your mind, those are the things that I think are going to be the most attractive to someone who is going to be worth the lifelong investment of marriage, not some weekend experience.
Speaker 1:Yes, correct, yes, correct. But I was going to add to like the way that I deal with my singleness and like the way the reason why it's I mean I still have like that drive and those temptations and those are always going to be there, but like the loneliness doesn't hit me as much, because when you are in a good prayer life and reading your Bible and spending time with Jesus, I'd say that's number one. But I think with spending time with Jesus and becoming more like him, it's like when you are ambitious and achieving your goals, or even just going after your goals, like working out or living in your purpose it's like that can add fulfillment to your life, where it's like that void of a wife or a spouse If you're a woman and you're looking for a husband it's like that Absolutely that void is. It's not, those things don't fill it, but they do in a way. I don't know how to really explain it because obviously you want.
Speaker 1:Jesus to fill the void, but Right Like Jesus.
Speaker 2:Jesus is your source, but Jesus is also in other people, and so that's why I think the beauty of community comes into play when you're single, or even when you're married, because when you're married, you still need community, don't think?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's. One thing I wanted to add is make sure you're in community. Yeah, like a local church.
Speaker 2:Yeah, even if it's like whether you're married or not, having I really like that podcast I sent to you that, you know, spurred this conversation is one of the things that that guy said was you're going to have to work a lot harder for that kind of community when you're single because you don't have that instant.
Speaker 2:You know this isn't an ideal world where all marriages are perfect, right. You don't have that instant intimacy that you, you know cause you have, like if you're married. You have a spouse, and it was somebody that you know really well, hopefully, and that you're deeply in love with and have made the commitment to you know, serve and love.
Speaker 2:And if you don't have that, then you have to find that in community, and that's not something that comes easily, you know that's. I think one of the things that I've struggled with a lot, even before marriage, is just really really taking those relationships to the next level, where it's like you're getting into the issues of your heart and you're, you know, laying bare you know, not physically, but like laying bare your emotions and your desires and your just couldn't skip over that, like when you're just being authentic and real and you're allowing people to see you for who you are and the struggles that you have.
Speaker 2:Like that has to be a focal point. You know, in just being Christian as a community, you know, whether you're single or not, you have to have that, yeah, and I don't think that the church has displayed a very good job of how to do that. You know, I think they hope it happens organically, but I think, honestly, with the way technology is now, we're not able to connect with people as easy because we have, you know, instant access to the web and all this social media at our at our disposal, which we've talked about before, but people are just not as open or just don't know how to enter into those sort of relationships even myself, um, as I think previous generations have been able to do, you know yeah, with everything being online, you mean yeah, just with, just with all.
Speaker 2:I don't think we've ever had any more like more distractions in this day and age, right? I mean, the cell phone, like the iphone, was invented roughly around, I don't know, maybe before you were born or the time we were born. Well, when to come out like oh three, oh one definitely in the 2000s.
Speaker 1:We were born before then.
Speaker 2:Yeah like just shortly, you know. So I mean, it's not hasn't been around that long, but it's. It's so.
Speaker 1:It's become so ingrained in our society that we don't know how to live without it, and we have cheapened our interactions with humans, because yeah, because everything is just like everything's automated and swiping looking at stuff, I mean I'm not saying that's the only reason, but it's definitely not helping a 100 isn't helping, and one thing that I've been doing is I just don't even bring my phone into work anymore and then I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't listen to podcasts really music, yeah, because I realized I was gonna ask you if you were like listening to anything, because I had that thought. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I started listening to sean ryan's on like if I'm home or at the gym yeah I his podcast is great. I think he's hilarious like he. Well, he's not really like funny, but he has a sense of humor yeah so when someone says something funny, he'll laugh at it, and I can't get over his laugh. But that's yeah so you'll?
Speaker 2:you'll weld for like eight hours a day, not listen to anything. Yeah, I just put earplugs in. That's great. What do you think?
Speaker 1:about all day I thought about this doing uh doing. Your mind must just wander if you're able to like it does, but I think I think they're supposed to, because I don't think we're supposed to get eight hours of constant entertainment yeah, just noise information all day long, because I realized when I was listening to stuff recently I'm like I'd be getting home and I'm just exhausted. Yeah, to the point where I have to go in my room and just lay down like I don't even want to get up.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it'd be for like three hours I'd lay there, yeah, and then your brain is just wore out yeah, and then yesterday was actually the first day that I just did earplugs, no, and then I came home and I like read for an hour and did all this stuff and it's like this huge difference yeah, I feel like your mind is just not as cluttered yeah, and it's actually resting and working the way it's supposed to yeah, interesting, yeah, you bring up something very interesting because it's more grounded.
Speaker 2:Can we be as people, especially as men? Because I think we're designed to how do I say this? I say this I think genetically and just biblically, we're designed to be the workers right, the workhorse of the family. Like we do the hard work, we go out and you know we're not making bricks anymore but we go out, we make a living.
Speaker 2:Not that women can't be breadwinners or be the main provider, but we have, I think, a history and the genetics to maybe put our mind to one thing and not be filled with a bunch of noise In a whole different way, because I feel like women can absorb all that stuff. My wife can multitask and stay on focus with a bunch of different things, and I listen to music at work and I'm just like wait what? I don't know where I am or what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:So you know it's got to be, or you don't even where I am or what I'm doing, so you know it's gotta be, or you don't even remember what the song was or that was. My problem, too, is like listen to. I wouldn't even remember half the stuff I was listening to, like what's the point? And if it's just exhausting your brain, yeah, and you're not learning anything, then what is really the point? Yeah, I don't think we as men can really do multiple things. So when I'm like welding, but there's stuff in my ears I got to let this one rip.
Speaker 2:That one's really in there. Thank you for that.
Speaker 1:I thought you were going to fart. No, it's the allergies.
Speaker 2:Man, I got all this phlegm going on. But yeah, that's continue. I like this. You're. You're welding it. Where do you feel like when you're um?
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm more into my job too.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you do a better job, quality wise, when you're not?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do the, the carts and everything that I make are getting done faster. It's like oh wow, and I'm just, I'm more into what I'm doing it's like I'm almost passionate about it again, whereas before I was like losing that passion because my brain couldn't be fully into it right, you couldn't be present yeah, you're not present because, like I was just listening to stuff to like distract myself, basically right, just make it through your eight hours and get out of there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then there's something to struggling where it's like I actually have to go through this. I have to go through this day of work and there's something about it with no distraction that actually ends up making me happier if that makes sense, because I've done this before where I went like a month or so without listening to stuff on my phone. Yeah, me happier if that makes sense, because I've done this before where I went like a month or so without listening to stuff on my phone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there really is something to people going through adversity oh yeah what makes people grow, and then, like going through that discomfort, on the other end you actually find that happiness and joy. I'll say happiness because joy comes from the lord, but you'll find that happiness yeah, that's, that's, these like there's that study where they placed a tree in this perfect environment and it ended up dying withering away.
Speaker 2:But when they placed it in a place like wind and stuff, it actually grew and became stronger really yeah, it's like that's how I think people are kind of meant to be so you think so, if I'm, if I'm smelling what you're stepping in, that while we're, if we're working and we're trying to distract and numb while we're, while we're doing the job that we've been given, we're actually, we actually won't be as satisfied with the job that we've done and we won't do as good of a job either.
Speaker 1:That's what I think.
Speaker 2:It makes sense. I mean, I've been noticing that at work.
Speaker 1:I mean that's not what I think In my situation. That's what I know. Yeah, so you've experienced it.
Speaker 2:It's interesting because I've kind of been going through the same thing, because I told you I've just been auditing these logs at work and going through and verifying all these changes and I've been listening to, like at first I started putting on like some surfaces, like some kind of chill vibey this rap.
Speaker 2:And then I started going back into like my post-hardcore stuff I used to listen to which I was like man, this is rocking, but I was like, wow, I really can't. I I used to listen to which I was like man, this is rocking, but I was like, wow, I really can't. I suck at what I'm doing, like I'm making mistakes. And then I started putting on some like techno. I didn't even know techno. It was just like kind of workout, like hype music with no sound, or not no sound, with no words, just like really EDM sort of like hyped up you, really EDM, sort of hyped up you know what I'm trying to say yeah, it gets you pumped up and that kind of helped me focus too, because there was no words, it was just kind of getting me.
Speaker 2:But even still, I find that it makes sense. If you're not distracted by something else or, to the farther extent, if you're not trying to numb because you hate what you're doing so much that you just want to escape while you're doing it, you're just not going to have the output that you want, or even you know that your employers want to see. If you're trying to do something for yourself, you're just not going to have that quality that your work deserves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, even if you do hate what you do, though, I think you should go through it. Oh, definitely, and just keep doing it, because, first of all, every job at some point is going to become monotonous, even your dream job, and there's going to be good days with it, even if it's a job you don't really like.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And if you hate it that much, it's like, why are you still there? That's always my question. If you hate your job so much, why are you still there? I've been through that a lot of times.
Speaker 2:This is not fun being here. I work somewhere else now of times, this is not fun being here. I work somewhere else now, and then you go through the same cycle and then you go through the same cycle, but for me I can literally, for me I could literally put a timetable on it because, like every job that I've had, I've noticed at the seven month mark I, I absolutely hate my life and I quit well, I'm glad you said you're married for two years now.
Speaker 2:Literally, I can think back to when I was working. It was kind of like a catering job. I worked at a country club. I worked there for seven months. The job before that I worked at no, it was after. I worked at the boat repair shop for seven months I worked at when was it? It was, oh man, it was all like seven months. I think it was. Men's warehouse was where I made it the longest. I was like I know, like I, I pushed through the seven month mark because I was so like I hate this, I need to find something else. I just kept working. I got over it and then I was there like a year and a half and it was that was kind of during covid. So I had four months off in the middle where we just played video games that whole time I remember those days where everybody was on unemployment, making more than me I was so you were still working?
Speaker 1:yeah, I would have I had tuesdays and thursdays off for some reason, but everybody else had their unemployment and we're making, I think, almost twice as much as I was.
Speaker 2:It was a lot I think I was making, is it 700 bucks?
Speaker 1:and that was back when eggs weren't four dollars, so that money was actually going somewhere they put it all in the xbox video game because I well could dude.
Speaker 2:The stupidest decision I ever made was like two weeks before the initial shutdown. I just sold my xbox and I was still on board with the decision. But I was like, okay, I need something to do while we're all stuck inside. And then when doors opened back up and things were moving, I sold it again and I haven't anything back since.
Speaker 2:But I was like, oh man, I'm going to be screwed, because during those days I'd literally play Xbox with y'all or by myself or just do whatever online, and then I would watch TV and then I would play drums and that's when it really got better at drums, because those are the only three things that I did. So I'd probably video game for two hours, I might get some food, watch a show for an hour, I might play drums for an hour and a half and then just repeat the cycle. That's all I did for four months.
Speaker 1:That's not so bad.
Speaker 2:That wasn't the worst. I mean, what were you going to do? I was just afraid we were going to get fined for going outside. Yeah, but then I realized that actually the cops were not enforcing that but anywhere. Yeah, they weren't.
Speaker 1:but I remember I couldn't leave because my my parents were going through it with their freaking out about covid and I couldn't leave the house for anything except I remember you said you're yeah I couldn't even longboard.
Speaker 2:How are you like 28 and still letting, still letting her parents tell you. Because that makes it better. Kevin and Laura shout out.
Speaker 1:Well, you're 26 and living. Do you want to explain your situation? I don't live with my parents.
Speaker 2:I live with her parents.
Speaker 1:And they don't tell me what to do. Fair enough. But the reason why I was living with my parents is because I was so afraid to move out and be on my own. And then Luigi came along and then we got that house and it was ever since then and the COVID thing when I couldn't leave the house. Ever since then I was like I will work four jobs before I ever go back and live there, because I can't do that again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was too.
Speaker 1:That was too much for me, where it's like yeah, you're 26 and you have to listen to your parents it's the worst feeling in the world.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. Yeah, I I'm very thankful for her parents and letting us be there. We, we got a great situation and yeah it is cool. If we didn't, if we didn't have kids, we would. We would be on our own, like, yeah, because we there's, they're expensive, you know yeah, and right now it's, it's hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're um, she's gonna be finding stuff on the side because we just have to. You know, if we ever want to get out of there because it's just it's just expensive these days, right, going back to like the single or the the married thing with no kids, like your time is still your own. You can work two jobs and still make all your money. Be have all your money. Be your own, you know.
Speaker 1:I was also going to ask back, since you brought up the marriage and singleness. You said you were friends before you guys started dating. Is that something you would suggest doing before you start dating? Someone has become friends with them I mean I?
Speaker 2:I am not gonna say that I'm an expert, I can only give my experience right and I'm very fortunate that it worked out the way that it did for me and I know other people have had that experience too Like, I think Jake and Abby were friends for a long time before they got together and I can recommend it. But there are probably other things I can recommend too. I just don't have any experience in those realms, but if you do find that there is a girl or guy in your friend group or in your life that you've known and then you, you know, find yourself attracted to them, I think it can work out very well, just because for us, we knew a lot about each other, we had fun together, we could joke. You know there wasn't any.
Speaker 2:I would say the biggest thing that set us up, you know, unknowingly, was that we were willing to be authentic with each other. Before we knew that we were romantically interested Because there were. I told her like a lot of stuff about my family that was just going on, like some of the stuff I was struggling with with, just where my life was, you know. And she told me a lot of stuff from her life, like just things that you don't know if you're not intimate with the person. I'm not talking about romantic intimacy. I'm talking about just being seen and being known right and being heard.
Speaker 2:When you can do that with a person and you can feel valued and right, I think seen, heard, known and loved Like those are the biggest things. If you can find that in a friendship and that turns into a romantic relationship, I think that's beautiful because you've already started your journey of intimacy and now you're just getting to the commitment phase where you commit that part forever. And when you don't have that, when you're starting from scratch with somebody, you just have a longer road to take, which is what a lot of people do. There's nothing wrong with that. It just wasn't my experience. I think it's very nuanced right when it comes to the world of online dating or meeting people organically. It's not like in the movies from the 70s and the 80s where you got these people greasing their hair and you meet somebody at the ice cream bar or wherever People can meet at the bar and have great marriages. This wasn't my experience. Anything's possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wouldn't suggest meeting them at the bar, but it doesn't.
Speaker 2:I can't say I recommend it but I also can't say it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm not saying it doesn't happen. And if, like you were there, if you're a Christian, you happen to stumble into a bar for whatever reason, because if you're Christian you should not be going to the bar? I'm just kidding, if you think.
Speaker 2:Make sure you're on audio so you can see that, or you're on video. But if you think about it right, going back to how do I prepare for a relationship, that intimacy is something that you can work on. Before you ever meet somebody to be intimate with, you can work on yourself and be a healthy enough person to be willing to. I'm just saying you got to be authentic and blurt out all your deepest, darkest fears and your struggles with everybody.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It's got to be with trusted people. If those trusted people become romantically interested. Amazing, but you have to be. You have to be grounded, rooted and you know, solid in your identity and I cannot stress that enough, excuse me, and you can edit that out.
Speaker 1:You have to be. I'm not going to.
Speaker 2:You just have to know who you are. You have to be confident.
Speaker 1:Wow, I muted my mic. I thought it would be.
Speaker 2:You have to be confident enough to Okay, you might as well just mute them both. No, keep farting. You have to be willing to open up to somebody before that person is going to come into your life that you're going to open up to. So if you're insecure, if you're going to shut everybody out, you know if you shut the people out that are in your life currently, you're probably not going to have much luck with a romantic relationship. You know that was the beauty of the friendship that we had is we were at a point of relational intimacy that it takes people who are dating a while to get to. You know, if you're gonna, if you ask somebody on a, if you go on a blind date, if you ask somebody out, oh sure, yeah, it takes a while, it takes a lot longer, but that's just the nature of relationships right you just have to work at it.
Speaker 2:You have to. You have to discover the people that are safe, you know. You get to establish that that these are safe people. This is a safe person, and if you're safe person, and if you're not a safe person, if you're not a healthy person, odds are you're not going to attract people who that is very, very true.
Speaker 1:If you're the guy that complains about how all women are bad or whatever it's like, you're going to attract those types of women into your life. Yeah, and you just have to, you have to be the person that you would want them to be. You know, yeah, you can't have like high standards and then be yeah it's like it's like the guy who like wants a really like athletic girl.
Speaker 2:But sits on a 300 pound couch potato and wants a, an olympian. Yeah, exactly, yeah, it's not gonna happen it's the same idea.
Speaker 2:That's more like surface level, but but then it comes down to like okay, you see a drive in this person, this olympian, this olympic level athlete, and then you see no drive in this person who's 300 pound couch potato like these people's life goals and missions are not on the same trajectory, so how would their worlds ever connect, except for the fact that we see them on social media or we're you know? Now we have access to all these different realms, so we think we have all these options, when really your options are pretty limited, as the 300, 300 pound potato.
Speaker 2:Yeah you know, like if we didn't have social media, like the options would be the 20 people in his you know close circle yeah, and don't, and don't listen to the.
Speaker 1:Sometimes on social media you will see that couple like he's a 300 pound couch potato and she's an olympian, but that is.
Speaker 2:Maybe he's got a heart of gold, you know, but pretty big heart, yeah again, it's not like it doesn't happen, but right, but don't, your odds are low.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your odds are low. Like he probably is making a million you're. You're not the exception, buddy it's already taken by somebody else. The exception is already taken exactly or or.
Speaker 2:Ma'am, you're not the exception, because let's not just pretend that it's. It's the guys who always want the girl. You know that the guy is always 300 pounds.
Speaker 1:You know sometimes it's the other way around oh, a lot of times I think we usually just both these days, I think we just yeah, I think we just equate it because we're men, so we're talking about it from like a man's perspective, but it definitely goes both ways right, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I mean there's, it's not a, it's not like a one and done like a. Check this thing off the list. I'm good, I'm ready for a relationship. It's the culmination of you as a whole person, right? Whether you're physically healthy does play a big part of it Spiritually healthy, emotionally healthy, mentally.
Speaker 1:And those all take a lot of work to get to Financially healthy.
Speaker 2:not a big thing too, like you, should have these conversations and and you know it doesn't always happen like we didn't really have financial conversations before. But you know, I would hate to like if you have a bunch of credit card debt and you don't tell your spouse, it's like I, there's, there's a like, there's a random side nuance to this. It's like if you're somebody it's going really well and you find out they have $50,000 in debt, it's like okay, you can choose to bind yourself to them, get married, and then you will also be responsible for that $50,000 worth of debt.
Speaker 1:Is somebody shallow if they decide not to marry them?
Speaker 2:I mean that's a big thing to consider. I mean like if okay, consider. I mean like if, if okay, I'll go both ways, because I because I hear what you're saying like if you're, I would not want you to throw away a relationship that you think right, if both of these people are really healthy and they're good for each other and it seems like the lord's blessed that relationship, and all of a sudden you find out they have a bunch of debt, like maybe they're just bad with money, right, it is a thing to consider, it doesn't. I'm not. I'm not saying you have to go either way. I'm just saying you're going to have to. If you choose to get married, you're going to have to bear the weight of that responsibility, yeah. But I also don't judge you if you break it off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wouldn 50 grand in debt. You know me neither, it's just that's something you bring up.
Speaker 2:I don't know that'd be a hard one to bring up. Well, yeah, you know it just bring it up. A better thing is just to never get into that much debt to begin with. But nobody's perfect, and there are people who will listen, who have debt, and that's it. Just is what it is right yeah but you can't hide it, just like you can't hide anything else in a relationship, because the relationship is not about hiding things.
Speaker 1:Funny that you mentioned that there was this guy on the radio that called in, because I still listen to radio, of course, sometimes when I'm driving. What's a radio? Ha ha ha. But he said that he's been seeing this girl for three years and she still doesn't know that he has a daughter.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:A daughter.
Speaker 2:A daughter. He got a daughter.
Speaker 1:You guys got to keep it down. My daughter's trying to sleep, which so oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So you say well, I mean, yeah, you can't just show up to the wedding and be like oh, by the way, I have a nine-year-old yeah, that's those are. Show up to the wedding and be like oh, by the way I have a nine-year-old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, those are things that you have to talk about. Or just like see pictures at your house like who's that?
Speaker 2:oh yeah, that's my daughter, it's my kid also now you're, by the way, it's yours now oh man, yeah, see, but it's like we, we emphasize big issues like that too, even if you're hiding little stuff like you can't. If you're hiding things, it's not a good indication of where you're at.
Speaker 1:No, because, first of all, it's lying. Second of all, there's especially depending on what it is there's a level of insecurity that you are holding on to if you're too afraid to show it real easily. Exactly, yeah, you're hiding it because you're too afraid to show right.
Speaker 2:Exactly yeah, you're hiding it because you're insecure, which is another issue, right?
Speaker 1:doesn't you not want to be insecure?
Speaker 2:not only you're lying and you're deceptive nature, but now you're also not confident in who you are like, like the stuff. The stuff piles up really fast against you and I think that's why relationships are so hard, because we have a lot of people these days who are not willing and or prepared to do the work to get healthier, to be somebody that somebody else would want.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, but there's so much.
Speaker 2:I'm saying you got to be perfect.
Speaker 1:No, no, no perfect. But I what I was going to say is there's so much being thrown at both men and women to make them either not want to get healthy or get into a relationship. I mean, one of the biggest things now is, like a lot of men think that all women are bad, so like they're just not going to do anything I think, to get better themselves to get better. I think it's like 50% of men in America would rather play video games than have sex, which obviously sex before marriage is a sin.
Speaker 2:but I'm just saying like that's why 50% of marriages end in divorce Because of video games. Just saying there seems to be a correlation. I'm not saying it's a statistic. I'm saying it's a statistic.
Speaker 1:It's saying it's a correlation yeah, video games can get back because they're so addicting they're, they're made to be addicting, right, and so you just want to keep staying on. It's like, how many times is it one more game? Yeah I mean, we do that with smash bros.
Speaker 2:It's like this is the last one, and then like four hours later it's like no, this is really the last one, but anyway, where was I talking about? Just men not wanting to get better because of women? Yeah, they think don't. They don't think the women are worth it.
Speaker 1:I'm probably the other way around too, but right and I and I really do think back to the social media thing. It's that's really playing into it, because tiktok and all those things are going to show you just the worst of society of women, like it's.
Speaker 1:It's guys going and interviewing girls who have just left left the club and then you equate that to every girl and it's like. That's like I just want people to know there is still good women and still good men out there. But if you're on social media listening all these podcasts, like I know, like the, whatever podcast is really popular and never heard of what they do is they'll bring. Usually it's a guy like a conservative guy on or a couple conservative guys.
Speaker 2:Oh, like the current conservative guys with like all the liberal girl, like the hookers, basically, yeah, like only fans and adult content, yeah, girls.
Speaker 1:And then they like go back and forth and then our brains see that and want to equate that to like the average woman and it's just like that's not how every woman is. They're not all looking at six figures, they're not all having a hundred plus body counts, which is just crazy to think about.
Speaker 2:But you don't even remember at all. Remember all. Can you imagine like not remembering all the people you've had sex with? Yeah, that'd be crazy, like that's a different level of of numbing different level of psycho a different level of. There's an issue that they're not addressing that needs some healing yeah, but not in today's world.
Speaker 1:No, I'll tell you that.
Speaker 2:No, but I mean, yeah, I am a huge advocate of being off social media. Now, social media just like money or just like anything, it's a tool, right? If?
Speaker 2:you use a tool, you use it for what it's designed for and it can be very effective.
Speaker 2:But if you let that tool become something more than really what it should be used for and I'm not saying you just have to use it for advertisement or you just have to use it for, like, the six friends and family that you have you can use it however you want to.
Speaker 2:But whenever you start to let that thing control you or you start to become addicted to it, just like with anything, then you have a problem. And I'm I am, I used to be this, uh, idealist where I could say, oh yeah, I can control myself with social media, I can control myself with video games, or I can control myself with whatever you know, like you can, you can fill in whatever blank you want to, like I can control this, like I have a grip on this. But in reality, I had a I had an interesting conversation with this a long time ago, just about video games in general. It's like, should you get rid of the temptation or should you work on controlling yourself with the temptation? I'm I'm a very big advocate of just trashing social media getting rid of it, you know, except for like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's the same with like an alcoholic shouldn't be hanging out at the bar, right, right, you wouldn't want them to do that.
Speaker 2:People don't equate it at that same level because they can't realize how they don't realize how addicted they are to social media and how much it's bringing down their standards. Right, it's lowering the bar for how they see the world Also. Just, you're constantly, whether you realize it or not, you're just viewing so many different things that you just don't have a grip on reality. I don't think, because in reality your sphere of influence is not that big. You're not going to have relationship with a bunch of people from all over the country or the world. It's just not going to happen and we play this comparison game there's just so much comparison, and comparison is just evil.
Speaker 2:We will compare ourselves to death, you know, and we will never. We will never, we'll never value ourselves and we'll never, we'll never also be able to be self-aware enough to realize where we are and how we can get better, or the fact that we even need to get better, because we're so fixated on just comparing to what we don't have. Yeah, and so that's where all of it, if you're single and you're wanting to get married, all of it has a role to play in getting prepared for a relationship, like because you I'll say it over and over again there's no one box you have to check. You just have to be, overall, a well-rounded person and you, you may be sitting there and you may be a well-rounded person, you may be like what the heck is going on, and that's a different conversation.
Speaker 2:But I think the majority of people just don't realize how many issues they have and are not willing to get better or to, you know, even just cut out one single thing from their life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know that all too well with some people. But I would say too, if you're a well-rounded person and you're like, well, why isn't it working for me? It's like one thing that I think the church doesn't put emphasis on is like if you want a wife or a husband, you have got to go get that. It's not just going to pop up in your life and be like, oh, this person was sent by God. Like obviously God can control things and make it so like you end up in the same room.
Speaker 2:I mean he'll partner with you with it, part you in your, partner with you throughout the process but it's not like guess what? You're going to pop the question to this stranger today. You guys are going to get married.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's not going to happen. Yeah, and even if you're just sitting there alone and like there's smoke happens and this girl just pops up, it's like you still have to go talk to her.
Speaker 2:That you do. And she's not a robot, either she's not pre-programmed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's not pre-programmed. Say yes Because I think a lot of times especially now I'm seeing it on there's like a lot of Christian masculinity YouTube channels, because those are like the big thing, even though they kind of end up talking about the same thing every time. It's like and some of the titles are even like avoid all women, and it's like don't be crazy, but they'll. They'll say in those videos, like you know, just just keep focusing on your purpose. It's like borderline, like red pill stuff, uh, the stuff that they're getting into, but it's still like it has like that touch of christianity and like just keep following your purpose and like don't worry about dating and god will send you your wife. And it's like you might have to go out and look for her too, like it's not just gonna magically happen because you're walking with God and because you're praying seven times a week.
Speaker 2:Right, I want to say that, even though there's probably 8 billion people on the world right now, that it's probably going to be different for every single person, like it's so nuanced, well, that too. It's so nuanced and there's not a formula for right, trick her into saying, yes, there's a lot of self-work that has to be done.
Speaker 1:Trick her into saying yes, is that what you said?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you're not going to just pop up one day and she's going to fall for some sort of trick. It's like ah, I, I guess I gotta get married to this fool like. It's like she didn't like sell herself to you, she didn't like she doesn't owe, like a mobster, money right you know it's just like you. You just have to.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of work you gotta do you know, and I think for every single person it's going to look a little bit different. And I would do also want to say, for the people who maybe find themselves not desiring a relationship and who maybe have said that you know, or who have gotten, like the, the question is like why don't you want to get married? Like, and then you start to get questioned like what's wrong with me? There's nothing that says that you have to get married, you just don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't have to.
Speaker 2:Nowhere.
Speaker 1:Unfollow the based reformed pages on Facebook because they will say if you're not married and having children, you're not following God's plan for your life. It's like where do you even get that? So I agree with you, I think I think if you're not married, then that's okay. I will add, though if you're the guy who is single and all you're doing is just like wasting away, like no purpose there's got to be more to your life than that.
Speaker 1:I just you can't. I don't want to say you can't, cause I know I'm getting in trouble for that, but if you're, if you're claiming to be a Christian and you really do love Jesus, and 100% of your life is like video games and eating trash food, yeah, I can't agree with you that you're not going to cond, not going to condone that lifestyle either, even though you don't want to be married.
Speaker 2:Right, you do have to have some goals and some aspirations, and the relationship that you have with Jesus should spur you on to those things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like if you're in right relation with Jesus, it's like you will naturally want to start going to church and becoming part of a community and just growing in that way and doing stuff there. So I do agree that you don't have to be married, but that has to come with some godly purpose.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and you don't have to right, it's not a one-time decision either. I think, like you, have the ability to change your mind. Nope.
Speaker 1:Uh-uh decision either.
Speaker 2:I think, like you have the ability to change your mind. Like if you say, if you said you're going to be single for the rest of your life, today, you don't think you might want to take that back like 10 years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah, I definitely think you can change your mind and there's there's, there's, just there's no pressure.
Speaker 2:So I just want to take the pressure off of people Like there's there was no pressure to get married and there's no pressure to make a one-off, lifetime commitment of celibacy. If you say you're going to be single today and you're happy with that decision, great. And then tomorrow you say you want to get married, that's great. But I also don't want you flip-flopping. I'm just saying you can't be swayed by the wind. You've got to have some conviction.
Speaker 1:Because everybody wants to be single for life. And then she walks in and all of a sudden it's like whoa, I changed my mind.
Speaker 2:Like there's. I just like don't go saying I think the better mindset is to have If you're okay with being single. I think the better mindset to have is I'm single today and if I'm single for the rest of my life today, I'm okay with that, you know, and I think that's a decision that you make every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And if something changes, you have the ability to change your mind, because you're your own person, and there's nothing wrong with that. But then all this stuff that we've been talking about, about you- know, self-care and working on yourself and being in right relationship with Jesus. That all still applies.
Speaker 2:It's not like you can be 60 or celibate, not date for 50, 60 years and be like well, I think I need a wife now. It's not the plan, it's not how it works. You never know. You never know she could pop out of nowhere. Denture's falling out and all.
Speaker 1:Your dentures falling out and all.
Speaker 2:Hey, even if I ain't got no teeth, I know my wife's got my back.
Speaker 1:Be gums and all. Okay, I'm assuming after that you don't have anything else.
Speaker 2:Hey, I could keep going, going. Do you have anything else? I don't even know what time it is.
Speaker 1:It's 610.
Speaker 2:Is it really? Yeah, holy crap, how long have we been talking?
Speaker 1:This has been an hour 34.
Speaker 2:I think that's a good. I think that's a good place to stop. It's a good little 90 minute For all y'all.
Speaker 1:Good 90 minute. Next time we'll aim for three hours. I think we can do it if we put our minds to it. But anyway, everybody thanks for listening. Have a blessed week. Love you Bye.